"What's the first thing that comes to mind?"

The other night a friend asked me, “So what’s the first thing that comes to mind when I say Kris?” It’s a simple enough question, one that should have an easy answer, but I couldn’t think of how to answer it. I kept thinking, “What is the first thing that comes to mind?” I ended up answering “swimmer” as a default, but even in that moment I acknowledged that that was a lame answer seeing as I haven’t been a competitive swimmer in almost 4 years. I didn’t give the question much thought after that, but the next day I found myself going back to it. Eventually I realized that I had given my default answer because it was easier than trying to explain the real answer: Bendable.

I can’t just say that without some sort of explanation, especially since it can give the implication that I’ll give in in all situations. The majority of the time I’ll put other’s needs before my own and/or will just go with the flow of things. I often find myself saying “I’m good with whatever” or “I’d prefer to do this but if everyone else wants to do something else that’s fine”.  I don’t like to impose on people and feel guilty if I know that someone has to go out of their way for me, and I can find it difficult to be the one put in the position to make a decision when that decision affects others. I think that’s because I know that I’m capable of adapting to most situations, so unless it’s something I’m super passionate about or have a strong opinion on, chances are I’m going to be willing to bend, whether it’s a little bit or a lot. I often forget that others are capable of being bendable as well.

This year has helped me to grow and I’m learning when being bendable is appropriate and when I need to be more assertive and in tune with what I want/need. It’s not a perfect quality, but it’s one of the pieces that make up who I am, and I’m ok with that. 

Think about it: What's the first thing that comes to mind when someone says your name?

"So what are your plans for next year?"

“I think it’s time I change the scenery, maybe I can get it right. And if I find I should be leaving, well maybe I just might. I’m takin’ time to search within me, find a way to change my life. ”

I was listening to Justin Nault’s It’s Just Me when I opened an email on April 3^rd, 2012, with the wonderful subject line “Congratulations- JVC Placement Offer!” and the following message:

Dear Kristen, 


Congratulations! I am happy to inform you that JVC is offering you the Odyssey Community Assistant position at Room In The Inn's Campus for Human Development in the Detroit Program Office as a Jesuit Volunteer for the 2012-2013 Program Year!

I finally knew where I was going to be the year following graduation: Nashville, TN. I could now confidently answer the inevitable question all soon-to-be college graduates face, “So what are your plans for next year?” I had a plan and I began counting down the days until I moved to Music City.

Now fast-forward to one year after I received that email; I’ve completed almost 8 months of my JV year, and the question “So what are your plans for next year?” has become dreaded in our house. It's an innocent enough question but it implies that my housemates and I should have some sort of plan for life after JVC. And unlike a year ago, I have no idea where exactly I’m going to be in August; the most concrete answer I have is “I’m planning on staying in Nashville”.
 

Words can’t describe how much Nashville has changed me (see previous post). I know if I stay, it’s not going to be the same as it’s been this past year. I won’t be living with the same wonderful women, I won’t have the same job, I won’t be living in the JV house; but I won't be left with nothing. I'll have the friends that I've made, the organizations I got involved with, my favorite places, my memories. This city first captured my heart 3 ½ years ago, and I’m not ready to leave it just yet…I just need a job, place to live and a car (you know a few minor details). 

More Than a Picture

“These places, and the experiences I had in them, were mine and mine alone. The senses of solitude, ownership, and place that I felt on these trips were creating a private world that, by definition, was impossible to share. Nevertheless, I tried. I took photographs and posted online albums of my trips; however, the images failed. They were unsuccessful because they were removed in time and location from what I went through to be in the place at that time. To a person sitting in an office or a living room, a picture of a mountain is just a picture. To me, it was the experience of taking the picture.” pg. 95-96

Re-reading books has become a habit of mine, so it shouldn’t be surprising to those who know this about me that this passage comes from a book that I first read about 2 years ago and am currently re-reading for the third time: Between a Rock and a Hard Place by Aron Ralston. As I was sitting in my living room after a day at work reading this book that I’ve read multiple times, I realized how fitting it is to my life right now. I’ve already disclosed in past posts that I’m terrible at blogging, and just journaling in general, but I’m coming to realize that it’s not because I can’t write about “the every day”, it’s because in order to fully convey the significance of my experiences I would have to dedicate so much time to writing my blog that I would be missing out on things that are making my JV year so valuable. And even if I did spend all my time blogging in an attempt to have everyone reading my blog understand how instrumental this year has been, I still wouldn’t be able to paint and accurate picture of JVC Nashville. There is no way to put into words the uniqueness of each of my community members and how their quirks make stories and moments that much more memorable; or how great it is to come home to a group of women that not only is interested in how your day went but can relate to the challenges you face, or even how awesome it felt when we finally felt like we’re finding our place in this city.

I can’t even begin to put into words how working with men who are dealing with drug/alcohol addiction and homeless has challenged my way of thinking and has begun to change me. When I started at Room In The Inn I felt like was just “Brian’s replacement” since the majority of the guys in the program entered Odyssey when he was the JV and I was the new person taking over his responsibilities. While I have since formed my own identity with the guys in Phase III, it wasn’t until the end of October, when the new Phase I group entered Odyssey, that I felt I found my place. The 10 men who entered the program just over a month ago have only ever known me as being the JV, and getting to see them from the very beginning was something I missed out on before. I got to spend a month seeing them interact in Pre-Odyssey and witness friendships form before they even moved in and then see the excitement and nervousness on their faces when they moved in on October 29^th.  While it was a chaotic day for me, running around making sure things were going well, I’ll never forget how one of the men put one of his shirts on one of the few hangers we had (we hadn’t had the chance to run to the store to purchase more yet) and exclaimed to one of his new roommates “This is the first time I’ve been able to do this in 15 years” as he hung the shirt in his own closet. It was at this moment I realized how much of an impact my job is having on these individuals, and how much I take for granted. In no means has this past month been easy, but it’s little moments like that that remind me that the stresses are worth it and of why I chose to dedicate myself to a year of JVC. 

Long story short: I have fallen love with Nashville. To all of you sitting at your computers reading this post, the stories that I share are just glimpses into my life here and the pictures I post online are just pictures; but to me, these stories are becoming defining moments of my life and the pictures I’ve taken are reminders of the bonds I'm forming.

I'm really bad at blogging....

So blogging isn’t my strongest suit, especially when it comes to writing about what I consider “the every day”, but I apologize for not being on top of it.

Anyways, Friday marked 2 months since I’ve been a part of JVC and the time seems to have flown by. It really seems like just yesterday that we were moving into our “broken” house. I say “broken” because when we moved in the washer and dryer were both broken and we had various issues with our kitchen sink (water pressure issues then it constantly dripping); thankfully those problems have since been resolved and our house is completely functional now (*knock on wood*).

I really enjoy work. Pre-Odyssey, which is the preliminary phase to our program for participants to show us that they are dedicated to being in Odyssey and for us to determine if they’re a good fit for the program, started October 1^st, so it finally feels like I’m being productive in my job. It was part of my responsibility to plan education week for Pre-Odyssey, which is next week so hopefully that goes well.

As far as community goes we’ve been getting along well. We decided to go on “friendship dates” every week in order to build individual relationships in addition to our community as a whole. They’ve been a lot of fun; some of mine have included a 16-mile bike ride and tacos (from Mas Tacos), breakfast at the Nashville Biscuit House and Bagel Face, and dinner at Puckett Grocery. The weeks have been flying by so it’s been a great way to get us to focus on spending time with each other as well as exploring Nashville.

Like I said I’m not great at blogging, and it doesn’t help that there isn’t Internet at the house (which isn’t that big of a deal) so I have to be much more intentional about it. Maybe I’ll get better at updating this throughout the year, but for now, as a warning, posts will be sporadic.

First Week at Room In The Inn

            Work officially started on Wednesday and so far I really enjoy it (and I’ve survived the “wonderful” Nashville bus system so that’s a bonus), though I haven’t started working solely with the Odyssey program yet. For the first 2 weeks I’m being immersed in all the on goings of Room In The Inn and have done a variety of things in the few days I’ve been at work: sitting in on classes, hanging out at the Day Center and Guest House, working at the Support Desk, helping with lunch, sitting in on the morning meetings with the Odyssey guys, and attending daily wrap-up, which happens after the Day Center closes for the day. It’s a lot to take in but I think I’m getting the hang of it. While I’ve never worked in this type of ministry before, I I don’t really feel out of place and think I’m really going to enjoy working at Room In The Inn.

            I also have really enjoyed meeting my fellow staff members; everyone is really nice and a few of them even took me out to lunch on my first day (we went to Hot Diggity Dog, which is a local hot dog place and it was pretty good). Also, while I haven’t had the chance to work with the Odyssey guys much I’ve met most of them and they are a great group of guys and I look forward to getting to work with them more.

Welcome to Tennessee!

It is weird to think that just over a week ago I boarded a plane to start my journey to Indiana for orientation that would officially mark the start of my JVC year. For the next year I will be living in Nashville, TN working with the Odysessy Program at Room In The Inn.

Orientation dedicated a day to each of the four values (spirituality, community, social justice and simple living) to get us familiarized with them and how we are going to be intentionally living this next year. Amongst the info sessions there were also group bonding exercises where we were given the opportunity to get to know our community (Alison, Katie, Veronica, Jane, Tracy, Eileen and me), as well as the JVs in other communities, better. I love the group of girls that I’ll be living with and I think that we’re going to have an awesome year together. Over all orientation was necessary and definitely helped me prepare for the upcoming year, but by the middle of the week I was anxious to get to Nashville.

It took about 5 hours to get from orientation to Nashville and along the way we stopped in Louisville for lunch, as well as stopping at the “Welcome to Tennessee” sign for a mandatory picture. When we got to the house in East Nashville, we all gathered for a pep talk written by Katie and Veronica; the pep talk that was supposed to be in our binder was missing so they wrote one that was personal to us which was a great way to kick off the year. It was weird moving into a house that was already decorated and furnished, it felt like we were more here for a visit rather than moving in. All of the FJVs from last year left us detailed instructions on how to get to work and various other details of what our jobs will entail; which we greatly appreciated. We weren’t able to pick our stuff up until Monday so it was hard to make our house feel homey at first, but we were able to bond over cleaning and finding where exactly things were in our own house.

JVC has done a good job at making sure we feel acclimated once arriving in Nashville. The day we first got here one of our support people, Louisa, brought us dinner and then the next day Ben and Jenny took us on a tour of the city and took us out to lunch. We also met Brian, the FJV who was in my position last year and is staying in Nashville, as well as a few of our neighbors. Everyone has been really nice and has made us feel very welcomed.

We don’t start work until Wednesday, but on Monday and Tuesday we went on Area Visits, during which all 7 of us went to each other’s agencies. Monday we went to The Oasis Center, where both Katie and Veronica are working; Project Return, where Jane is working; and Southern Migrant Legal Services, where Eileen is working. And then Tuesday we went to Room in the Inn, my workplace; Catholic Charities, where Alison is working; and The Bridge, where Tracy is working. All of the places seem really great and everyone was very friendly. Visiting the workplaces definitely got us more excited to start work.

Final Sharing

Throughout the past month something that I, and other PMs, heard occasionally from volunteers was “it’s so great for you to give up your summer to come out here”, but the thing was none of us feel like we’re “giving up our summer” and if we had it our way, most (if not all) of us would be out here much longer than the time we were hired for. It’s hard to describe why I feel drawn to being at Re-Member and working on Pine Ridge. I’ve tried to put it into words so many times, but nothing I say ever seems to accurately explain my connection. A part of me thought that after working at Re-Member this summer I would be able to better communicate to my friends and family why I enjoy traveling almost 2,000 miles to a place that many people have never heard of or have forgotten about, but if anything it just made that task harder and I’ve come to realize that the only way that anyone can truly understand why I keep going back to Re-Member and to Pine Ridge Indian Reservation is if they experience it themselves, the best I can do is give them a snapshot of what makes the experience so captivating.

My time at Re-Member this summer was more than I could have imagined it could be: I learned how to not only skirt trailers, build bunk beds and outhouses, and work on roofs but how to instruct doing such tasks. I drove 15 passenger vans. I went horseback riding. I saw buffalo for the first time. I watch insane lightening. I inhaled more sawdust and dirt than I probably should have. I didn’t mind eating sandwiches for lunch everyday and potato bar was by far my favorite night of the week. I learned several new card games. I discovered that no matter how many times you fix the sandpaper on some of the sanders in the workshop, some of them are just a lost cause. I stargazed at the top of the hill. I formed friendships with not only fellow staff members but with volunteers. I saw the gratefulness of a woman who was having her roof repaired by Re-Member and the smiles on children’s faces as bunk beds were delivered. I loved the new blue sponges (Jordan understands how awesome they were). I “golfed” (aka drove around a golf course while others golfed). I survived 100-degree heat on a regular basis. I learned a new way to dance the Cotton Eye Joe. I reflected in the Badlands every Sunday.  I asked a lot of questions. I was able to carry a full water cooler by myself. I watched volunteers change throughout the course of the week. I watched a teepee be put up. I played with Kilo in office. I saw a lot of grasshoppers and dealt with endless flies. I wasn’t tied to technology. I learned the art of making Awesome Sauce. I appreciated feeling small in a wide-open space. The staff decided to go by their middle names for a day. I learned more about the Lakota culture. I felt at home.

As I sat down to write my final post about the month that I spent working at Re-Member, I find my mind wandering to “what’s currently going on on the Rez”. It’s tour day and I find myself missing the Badlands and counting the volunteers every time we got back on the bus. Inila is the speaker tonight and John will be making pasta for dinner. At about 6:30pm the weekly staff meeting will take place and it feels weird that I won’t be there. I miss everyone immensely, and I can’t express enough my appreciation for each of them and the role they played in making my experience what it was; Ted, Jen, Bill, Bryan, David, Jerry, Erika, Marissa, Jordan, Allie, T, Kate, Coco, Stef, Andy, Eric, Otis, Dan, Ryan, Paula and Yoli (sorry if I forgot anyone! I didn’t mean to J), thank you for helping to make this a great summer. I’ve only been away from the Rez for a little more than a day, but I’m already counting the days until I can return.