"What's the first thing that comes to mind?"

The other night a friend asked me, “So what’s the first thing that comes to mind when I say Kris?” It’s a simple enough question, one that should have an easy answer, but I couldn’t think of how to answer it. I kept thinking, “What is the first thing that comes to mind?” I ended up answering “swimmer” as a default, but even in that moment I acknowledged that that was a lame answer seeing as I haven’t been a competitive swimmer in almost 4 years. I didn’t give the question much thought after that, but the next day I found myself going back to it. Eventually I realized that I had given my default answer because it was easier than trying to explain the real answer: Bendable.

I can’t just say that without some sort of explanation, especially since it can give the implication that I’ll give in in all situations. The majority of the time I’ll put other’s needs before my own and/or will just go with the flow of things. I often find myself saying “I’m good with whatever” or “I’d prefer to do this but if everyone else wants to do something else that’s fine”.  I don’t like to impose on people and feel guilty if I know that someone has to go out of their way for me, and I can find it difficult to be the one put in the position to make a decision when that decision affects others. I think that’s because I know that I’m capable of adapting to most situations, so unless it’s something I’m super passionate about or have a strong opinion on, chances are I’m going to be willing to bend, whether it’s a little bit or a lot. I often forget that others are capable of being bendable as well.

This year has helped me to grow and I’m learning when being bendable is appropriate and when I need to be more assertive and in tune with what I want/need. It’s not a perfect quality, but it’s one of the pieces that make up who I am, and I’m ok with that. 

Think about it: What's the first thing that comes to mind when someone says your name?