"If you could only listen to five songs…"

Today I was asked, “If you could only listen to five songs for the rest of your life what would they be?” After a lot of thought and debate, here’s the list (and reasons) I finally came up with:

“Days Go By” by Keith Urban

I have absolutely loved this song since I first heard it almost 10 years ago (even the name of my blog is a line from this song). Its message is all about living life to its fullest and not losing ourselves in the day-to-day, which is something I sometimes forget to do.

“Castaway” by Chasen

This was the theme song of the 2010 START 2 retreat at Assumption College. I gave a talk on this retreat about the state of my faith and this song always reminds me that no matter how lost I get, God will always be there to give me a second chance.

“Give A Little” by Hanson

It shouldn’t be a surprise that a Hanson song is on this list and honestly it was hard for me to narrow it down. But for me this song reminds me that it’s ok to let my guard down and let people see my heart. Also, it’s super fun to dance to.

“This=Love” by The Script

This made the list for the simple reason of love. It comes in different forms and you can’t always see it, but it’s there; even when it’s not easy, it’s worth it.

“Reasons” by Melodime

Other than Melodime simply being amazing, we’ve all got reasons for fighting and just because something is hard it doesn’t mean we should give up. Recently I’ve had a hard time remembering my reasons for fighting, but thankfully I am blessed with beautiful people in my life who help remind me each and every day.

So, what are your five songs?

Left My Heart In Nashville

So this post was intended to be posted on August 4th, however I've been having computer difficulties and wasn't able to post it until today:

It’s August 4^th, 2013. I am officially a FJV (or Former Jesuit Volunteer). It’s hard to believe that almost one year ago, I was boarding a plane for JVC orientation in Morgantown, Indiana. I knew few things before getting on that plane: I knew the core values of Community, Spirituality, Simple Living and Social Justice; I knew I would be working with the Odyssey program at Room In The Inn; I knew I would be living in a house with six other women; I knew JVC would be providing my housing and that I would receive $100/month personal stipend. But I quickly learned that these things were just the foundation for my year.

For one, nothing could have prepared me for the group of women I would be living with. All of us are so individual different, yet I think that’s why we work so well together. I have never met a group of such strong women, and I am so thankful that they were all brought into my life. We toughed it out during the “dark days” of things in our house not working proper (especially the washer/dryer); we were each other’s support systems, especially on those rough days; we became creative with how to make the most of our monthly stipend; we built an impressive VHS collection over the year; we enjoyed each other’s company and shared random moments. I honestly don't think I would've made it through my year without them!

In terms of my job, when ask what I was going to be doing prior to starting JVC, all I really felt confident to tell people was that I would be working with homeless men who have previously been through drug/alcohol treatment. I didn’t know what the day to day was going to look like or how the men were going to impact me. Even now, after working with Odyssey for almost a year, I feel like the “elevator speech” I have for whenever someone asks me where I work/what I do doesn’t accurately convey what my job truly means to me:

Odyssey is a post-treatment recovery program for chronically homeless men who are dealing with drug/alcohol addiction. It was part of my responsibility to help with a lot of the day-to-day things, doing morning meeting with the guys, writing the monthly newsletter, organizing their class schedule and being the point contact for our volunteers, coordinating Recreation Time on Fridays, and any other odds and ends that might come up.

This description gets across the basic fundamentals of what Odyssey is and what I do almost every day, but few words can describe how great this job actually is. One of the biggest joys for me was getting to see how far all of the men have come since entering Odyssey. The program opens up only twice a year, so since my time at Room In The Inn, we’ve welcomed two new Odyssey classes. My favorite story is from the day my first group of guys moved in. I just happened to be in the room when one of the men was unpacking his things and put one of his shirts on one of the hangers and exclaimed to one of his new roommates “This is the first time I’ve been able to do this in 15 years” as he hung the shirt in his own closet.

God knows that there were days when things just didn’t seem to be going right; like the days when the arguments seemed like they would never get resolved or the Mondays when I would come in to find out someone had relapsed over the weekend or that one day when I came into work and was informed that an Odyssey guy, who had literally just been joking with me in the office the day before, had had a heart attack and passed away that same night. I never expected working with the population that I do to be easy, but I am grateful that even on the hardest days, God always found a way to shine through and remind me why I’m here. I could be having a really hard day, but then my day would be instantly turned around by one of the guys could come into the office to share that he found a job or something great that had happened to him or that today marked X amount of months of sobriety for them. The first group of men that entered the program when I was here (in November 2012) has now been in Phase 3 (the Phase where the men get jobs) for 3 months and I couldn’t be prouder. When I talked to Brian, last year’s Odyssey JV, before starting my JV year, the one thing he kept stressing to me was “the guys make it all worth it” and there’s really no other way to describe it.

I was fortunate enough to be offered a job at Room In The Inn as a Case Manager in the Day Room, and will be moving to a brand new 1015 in East Nashville with 3 of my fellow JVs (Jane, Katie, and Veronica). This year has been one of the most transformational years and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s been exactly 4 years since I first visited Nashville; the first time I fell in love with this city. During that visit I got a magnet that says “Left My Heart In Nashville”, and over this past year I’ve discovered how true that magnet ended up being. In the three years I was gone, my heart worked it’s way into various parts of the city; and over the past year, I’ve been discovering the different places it ended up. I found part of it at Room In The Inn, and another part in the JV House; many parts were found among the friends I made and the places I loved to visit. There are many things in life that I’m uncertain about, but one thing I have no doubt about is that my heart is still very much in Nashville, and I can’t wait to see what else this wonderful city has in store for me.

"What's the first thing that comes to mind?"

The other night a friend asked me, “So what’s the first thing that comes to mind when I say Kris?” It’s a simple enough question, one that should have an easy answer, but I couldn’t think of how to answer it. I kept thinking, “What is the first thing that comes to mind?” I ended up answering “swimmer” as a default, but even in that moment I acknowledged that that was a lame answer seeing as I haven’t been a competitive swimmer in almost 4 years. I didn’t give the question much thought after that, but the next day I found myself going back to it. Eventually I realized that I had given my default answer because it was easier than trying to explain the real answer: Bendable.

I can’t just say that without some sort of explanation, especially since it can give the implication that I’ll give in in all situations. The majority of the time I’ll put other’s needs before my own and/or will just go with the flow of things. I often find myself saying “I’m good with whatever” or “I’d prefer to do this but if everyone else wants to do something else that’s fine”.  I don’t like to impose on people and feel guilty if I know that someone has to go out of their way for me, and I can find it difficult to be the one put in the position to make a decision when that decision affects others. I think that’s because I know that I’m capable of adapting to most situations, so unless it’s something I’m super passionate about or have a strong opinion on, chances are I’m going to be willing to bend, whether it’s a little bit or a lot. I often forget that others are capable of being bendable as well.

This year has helped me to grow and I’m learning when being bendable is appropriate and when I need to be more assertive and in tune with what I want/need. It’s not a perfect quality, but it’s one of the pieces that make up who I am, and I’m ok with that. 

Think about it: What's the first thing that comes to mind when someone says your name?

"So what are your plans for next year?"

“I think it’s time I change the scenery, maybe I can get it right. And if I find I should be leaving, well maybe I just might. I’m takin’ time to search within me, find a way to change my life. ”

I was listening to Justin Nault’s It’s Just Me when I opened an email on April 3^rd, 2012, with the wonderful subject line “Congratulations- JVC Placement Offer!” and the following message:

Dear Kristen, 


Congratulations! I am happy to inform you that JVC is offering you the Odyssey Community Assistant position at Room In The Inn's Campus for Human Development in the Detroit Program Office as a Jesuit Volunteer for the 2012-2013 Program Year!

I finally knew where I was going to be the year following graduation: Nashville, TN. I could now confidently answer the inevitable question all soon-to-be college graduates face, “So what are your plans for next year?” I had a plan and I began counting down the days until I moved to Music City.

Now fast-forward to one year after I received that email; I’ve completed almost 8 months of my JV year, and the question “So what are your plans for next year?” has become dreaded in our house. It's an innocent enough question but it implies that my housemates and I should have some sort of plan for life after JVC. And unlike a year ago, I have no idea where exactly I’m going to be in August; the most concrete answer I have is “I’m planning on staying in Nashville”.
 

Words can’t describe how much Nashville has changed me (see previous post). I know if I stay, it’s not going to be the same as it’s been this past year. I won’t be living with the same wonderful women, I won’t have the same job, I won’t be living in the JV house; but I won't be left with nothing. I'll have the friends that I've made, the organizations I got involved with, my favorite places, my memories. This city first captured my heart 3 ½ years ago, and I’m not ready to leave it just yet…I just need a job, place to live and a car (you know a few minor details). 

More Than a Picture

“These places, and the experiences I had in them, were mine and mine alone. The senses of solitude, ownership, and place that I felt on these trips were creating a private world that, by definition, was impossible to share. Nevertheless, I tried. I took photographs and posted online albums of my trips; however, the images failed. They were unsuccessful because they were removed in time and location from what I went through to be in the place at that time. To a person sitting in an office or a living room, a picture of a mountain is just a picture. To me, it was the experience of taking the picture.” pg. 95-96

Re-reading books has become a habit of mine, so it shouldn’t be surprising to those who know this about me that this passage comes from a book that I first read about 2 years ago and am currently re-reading for the third time: Between a Rock and a Hard Place by Aron Ralston. As I was sitting in my living room after a day at work reading this book that I’ve read multiple times, I realized how fitting it is to my life right now. I’ve already disclosed in past posts that I’m terrible at blogging, and just journaling in general, but I’m coming to realize that it’s not because I can’t write about “the every day”, it’s because in order to fully convey the significance of my experiences I would have to dedicate so much time to writing my blog that I would be missing out on things that are making my JV year so valuable. And even if I did spend all my time blogging in an attempt to have everyone reading my blog understand how instrumental this year has been, I still wouldn’t be able to paint and accurate picture of JVC Nashville. There is no way to put into words the uniqueness of each of my community members and how their quirks make stories and moments that much more memorable; or how great it is to come home to a group of women that not only is interested in how your day went but can relate to the challenges you face, or even how awesome it felt when we finally felt like we’re finding our place in this city.

I can’t even begin to put into words how working with men who are dealing with drug/alcohol addiction and homeless has challenged my way of thinking and has begun to change me. When I started at Room In The Inn I felt like was just “Brian’s replacement” since the majority of the guys in the program entered Odyssey when he was the JV and I was the new person taking over his responsibilities. While I have since formed my own identity with the guys in Phase III, it wasn’t until the end of October, when the new Phase I group entered Odyssey, that I felt I found my place. The 10 men who entered the program just over a month ago have only ever known me as being the JV, and getting to see them from the very beginning was something I missed out on before. I got to spend a month seeing them interact in Pre-Odyssey and witness friendships form before they even moved in and then see the excitement and nervousness on their faces when they moved in on October 29^th.  While it was a chaotic day for me, running around making sure things were going well, I’ll never forget how one of the men put one of his shirts on one of the few hangers we had (we hadn’t had the chance to run to the store to purchase more yet) and exclaimed to one of his new roommates “This is the first time I’ve been able to do this in 15 years” as he hung the shirt in his own closet. It was at this moment I realized how much of an impact my job is having on these individuals, and how much I take for granted. In no means has this past month been easy, but it’s little moments like that that remind me that the stresses are worth it and of why I chose to dedicate myself to a year of JVC. 

Long story short: I have fallen love with Nashville. To all of you sitting at your computers reading this post, the stories that I share are just glimpses into my life here and the pictures I post online are just pictures; but to me, these stories are becoming defining moments of my life and the pictures I’ve taken are reminders of the bonds I'm forming.

I'm really bad at blogging....

So blogging isn’t my strongest suit, especially when it comes to writing about what I consider “the every day”, but I apologize for not being on top of it.

Anyways, Friday marked 2 months since I’ve been a part of JVC and the time seems to have flown by. It really seems like just yesterday that we were moving into our “broken” house. I say “broken” because when we moved in the washer and dryer were both broken and we had various issues with our kitchen sink (water pressure issues then it constantly dripping); thankfully those problems have since been resolved and our house is completely functional now (*knock on wood*).

I really enjoy work. Pre-Odyssey, which is the preliminary phase to our program for participants to show us that they are dedicated to being in Odyssey and for us to determine if they’re a good fit for the program, started October 1^st, so it finally feels like I’m being productive in my job. It was part of my responsibility to plan education week for Pre-Odyssey, which is next week so hopefully that goes well.

As far as community goes we’ve been getting along well. We decided to go on “friendship dates” every week in order to build individual relationships in addition to our community as a whole. They’ve been a lot of fun; some of mine have included a 16-mile bike ride and tacos (from Mas Tacos), breakfast at the Nashville Biscuit House and Bagel Face, and dinner at Puckett Grocery. The weeks have been flying by so it’s been a great way to get us to focus on spending time with each other as well as exploring Nashville.

Like I said I’m not great at blogging, and it doesn’t help that there isn’t Internet at the house (which isn’t that big of a deal) so I have to be much more intentional about it. Maybe I’ll get better at updating this throughout the year, but for now, as a warning, posts will be sporadic.